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Friday, December 30, 2011

"...Another Year Over and a New One Just Begun..."

^John Lennon (Happy Christmas - War Is Over lyric)


As it is the last day of 2011, my mind has been going over the year... lots of ups and downs. I lost both of my grandmothers this year a few months apart. It was hard - I miss them greatly. Maris turned 4 and had her epic Beatles Yellow Submarine party... Jackson turned 2 and had his Toy Story party... to tell you the truth... the year seems like a blur right now in my sleepy muddled brain so a recap seems crazy :) It was a fun and busy year with the family and Mom's group... we welcomed a new family member, Ava Grace, into the world a few months ago (my sis in law's new baby!)... once I finish the family yearbook for this year, the events will be fresher in my mind :) Every year for the past 4 years I have had a book printed with highlights from month to month and I fell waaay behind! It should be a breeze on this fancy new computer of mine though! Just have to do a bit more digging for the pictures as I had that virus wipe my hard drive *and backup hd* earlier in the year. (one of the baaad events of 2011)
Aanyway.. here are a few resolutions I was kicking around in my head. I normally don't really "do" resolutions because I know they are fleeting... but in the spirit of the holiday... I will indulge.

Resolution #1 - I will try to set more of a set schedule with our daily routines. I have fallen into the habit of letting them eat whenever - graze - and not have really set meals except for dinner... and I feel unorganized lately with getting them up and going. Embarrassingly enough, there are days when I jump right into my cleaning or whatever I'm doing that day and dont even dress them until afternoon or a diaper change is needed for J man. A routine would tie together nicely with my next resolution...

Resolution #2 - I will try to eat set meals MYSELF. I never eat breakfast... rarely eat lunch... occasional snack here or there until dinner. I think I get too distracted by the kids to remember that I am hungry. I really never feel it until I get dizzy or there isnt much to do. I know once Jim gets home and I am cooking dinner... he helps with the kids and all and I start to realize I havent eaten. It might be rubbing off on the kids with their refusal to eat lunch most of the time... I eat like crap. Gotta fix that. Which ties even into my next resolution!

Resolution #3 - Get fit. This is the stereotypical one I know.... but I am serious. Its not a resolution of "Im gonna be skinny this year!" or anything like that... I just want to be in better shape. Thinner would be nice... haha Basically, I am done having babies (not really having a choice in the matter health-wise...)so there is no reason to still have this baby weight... They are 2 and 4... I lost a ton of it with Maris but didn't really lose Jackson's post preggo pounds. I work late nights and have the kids all day so I'm tired and even when I'm not tired, I don't want to work out due to the fear of being burnt out later that night at work... I know... excuses excuses... I realize that. It just has to change. Maybe more walks... more park days where I run with them instead of drawing or just taking photos while they play... Our road is TERRIBLE with farmer work trucks and bad drivers... lots of blind turns and careless people... so I have refrained from taking too many walks past the mailbox but there is a walking trail in town. There is also the wii fit. NO EXCUSES MARISA! Get fit!

Resolution #4 - Keep In Touch With Family More I have been using facebook as a crutch really in the whole "Hey, I don't need to contact anyone - they can see my facebook photos and posts and be updated there..." idea. Which is true for the most part... but what happened to letters and phonecalls... I really have been missing my Dad this holiday season (not just now, but it seems worse lately) and I rarely call him. To be fair, he rarely calls me either... the road goes both ways... but I could try to reach out more. Not only my Dad, but a bunch of family members... life is short and time is precious. Family is forever but the people in it aren't... you've got to enjoy them while you can. I mope about missing family and all but then I look at people like my friend (who I won't name for privacy...) - she lost her Dad in a sudden accident 2 years ago. She can never talk to him again... I can still pick up a phone and call my Dad. It makes me feel a bit silly sometimes with the moping when it is easily fixed. It puts things into perspective for you... seeing people miss loved ones. My paternal grandparents were married for 60 years and we just lost my grandmother this year. I can't even IMAGINE how he must feel. Such immense loss... I DO try to send him photos of the kids and letters and all... I sent him a christmas card with pictures of the kids... but I have to resolve to do more. Maybe plan some roadtrips to see family in 2012. Life is hectic and busy with kids and now Maris' school and ballet schedules and my work being opposite of Jim's and all. but we will make it work. Even family that is close by... a few towns over... I need to make an effort to spend time with them. Maris and Jackson have 2 cousins roughly the same age and they rarely see them. Why?? I have a cousin and her great hubby with lots of similar interests with whom I used to be so close with... maybe reach out and make some plans... I frustrate myself sometimes... even my sister. We used to go shopping and do sooo much together. we are still crazy close, but I miss spending time with her like I used to.

Resolution #5 - Work on Photography Career I drag my feet on this like an idiot out of fear of failure and also out of inexperience. I have NO mind for the business aspect... Pricing things that I love to do seems awkward to me but I have to get past the whole "You are not a pro photog so no one will take you seriously" thing I have going in my head. I am all talk with the photography bc I have all the passion in the world for it... just have all sorts of intimidation about declaring myself a PHOTOGRAPHER instead of just a hobbyist. There is also the issue of losing a huge chunk of my portfolio in the virus debacle... I basically have to rebuild a portfolio from scratch. so long story short. no excuses. head out of ass. get going. take photos. I live and breathe it. might as well get paid for it! Maybe a class to boost confidence level?

Bring it on 2012! Onto a new and improved life and person...




and just because I hate posting without a photo: here are my lovey kiddos this morning eating breakfast on the go. A banana is better than nothing! :)

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